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Life should be lived to the point of tears

I recently came across the Japanese word ‘yugen’ and I immediately realized it embodies something that I was never quite able to put into words. Apparently ‘yugen’ is an untranslatable word but it has been described as ‘a profound awareness of the Universe that triggers feelings too deep and mysterious for words; the subtle grace and beauty in things that surround us.’ This got me thinking…I experience many ‘yugen moments’ throughout my day… I live by the sea so every time I go for my workouts on the beach and hear the sound of the waves I experience that moment of ‘otherness’, something bigger than me, as corny as that sounds…or when I’m on a plane and I have creative ideas or ‘aha’ moments, when I drink my coffee in the morning, when I listen to certain music, when I dance… So next time we talk to someone, instead of asking them how they are, we should ask…where’s the beauty in your life? How do you feed your soul? How do you witness profound feelings of ‘something else’? And I’m not talking about divine or otherworldly experience; I’m talking about this world, about experiences and feelings truly so deep…to the point of tears! Have you ever felt that? Being an extremely sensitive person as I am, I experience moments like these quite often. Maybe I feel too much or I pay too much attention to details, but I usually get these moments while travelling; on trains, planes, taxis…There’s something magical about sitting on the back of a speeding taxi and seeing your past, present and future unravel in front of your eyes…

There’s something about being in a foreign country, away from your ‘belongings’… Something similar happens when I am on a plane, only this time I get a strange awareness of myself, an acute perception of my body and my emotions. I feel as I am in a meditation state, as if I’m floating in a see with no waves. I experienced a similar ‘yugen moment’ while I was weightlessly floating in the Dead Sea, in Israel. You can’t dip your head in the water since it’s very salty; you simply float in a water with no waves and basically no life…breathtaking!

These are the moments I’m talking about, moments of complete awareness, feelings so deep which can transport us to other dimension where we feel…with every inch of us…to the point of tears!

We All Hide Something

Life is a constant game of playing hide and seek with the truth.

The truth is most of the time hard to grasp. We live in a world where lies surround us. We start by lying to ourselves and thinking that to achieve a certain goal something from the outside has to happen in order to succeed. We don’t realize that when success comes most of time it’s because something inside us changed and this solely happens when you change the way you view yourself and you come to the conclusion that happiness it’s your own permission.

So what is happiness and why do we constantly lie to ourselves hopping we can skip whatever it’s on our mind and just take the easy way out? which is pretending…

We put on these masks and we expect ourselves and the rest of the people to just accept it. The worst part is “fake it till you make it”. This can go both ways. In a moment of downfall, thinking positively can go long way but lying to yourself that you are something else, that’s tricky. I believe that for these words to actually work in our favor first and foremost, we have to be honest with ourselves. We have to drop the masks and look the truth in the face. Tough assignment! Because we want all from life – we want success and love and money and freedom and health – we want it all! But what have you done to achieve any of these goals? Why do you think you diserve them? How much have you worked for success? How well are you treating people? How active are you? Are you really doing everything you can from your side to diserve all of these?

Honesty and Investment.

We can’t be constantly honest with ourselves because we then realize how we are not and will never be flawless, that we may hit the downfall, that we make mistakes, that we are not perfect. But there are those moments of pure honesty that wake us up and we come to realize that the world doesn’t own us anything. So, we are back in the anxiety loop. And that’s ok because we are in a process of understanding ourselves, not to fix us.

Invest. No one will do the work for you. If you take the elevator instead of the stairs, you risk getting there before you are ready. I believe there is a time for everything. There is a time for making mistakes and learning from them, a time when you have to take success by the hand and there is a time to meditate. Every period has its investment.

How many of us have been told over and over again, maybe in subtle ways, that there is a ceiling you are capable of, instead of realizing that you can knock down that ceiling to come to the conclusion that there is a whole world above it?





Life As We Know It

Change is a funny thing…and not everyone can do it. Things aren’t what they used to be. Your whole world is transformed. You realized the ground beneath you is shifted. Now things are uncertain and there is no turning back. The world around you is different, close to unrecognizable and there is nothing you can do it about it. The future is stuck in front of you. And then something happens and that’s it … life as you know it will never be the same.

People around you change and some relationships stay and some go, even if we want to or not. It is not the best feeling, if you ask me. Throughout this life we get in contact with people that we click, we are on the same page, it is a joy to have them around. But they don’t stay. And there is this strange feeling in your stomach, like something is missing. But we get used to it and we accept it and we move one. With every relationship, of any kind, when is done, we leave a part of us behind, the part that belonged to it. So we through time losing and gaining. “Maybe that’s the way it should be”. Or maybe not.

This destiny we all have and that everyone says we should trust and follow is quite tricky and confusing at times. We have to let go of things or people we don’t want to and we have to believe this high energy that all is for our own good. Trust the the process. Trust the path. A lot of trusting going on here. Somewhere it will go for sure. I am just curious where.


Image by DanzaSphere Pinterest

Sun Kissed

I don’t know how the weather is wherever you are, but here, in Romania, we are melting. With over 40 degrees Celsius (over 100 degrees F), the air is close to unbreathable; so, on a supposedly beautiful Saturday, here I am indoor with the A.C. at its maximum (and I don’t like A.C.) thinking about sunflowers. It is that time of the year when these flowers are blooming and the fields are turning from green to yellow as far as the eye can see. It is extraordinary how nature comes to life every year over and over again, just as beautiful and as impressive.

Tan lines, wavy hair, long days, and warm nights. We are refreshed.


Summer means to me gathering your friends and go on road trips. If one thing I absolute love is to take our cars and drive; drive as much and as far as we can; discover new places, create memories, take pictures, and make videos. Document the journey. Impregnate it into your soul.

I close my eyes and I see the sun kissed fields riding along my side in this experience we call life and I realize time flies just as fast. It is a moment in life that has already passed as I was writing these words down. And I smile.

Music blasting in my ears that send me to a different world and I open the window and let the heat invade my room. I stop the A.C. No wind, just hot air and I take a deep breath. Summer is deep impregnated into my soul. The sunflower fields are leaving me behind and making room for the white beaches and crystal clear water. I am home…


What is normal and how to overcome this nonsense

I have to be honest. I dislike the word “normal”. What is normal? And why should I follow some rules just because the society says so? I am not the type to fit in a certain group of standards. I am who I am and I always had a problem when hearing the words “because this is the society we live in”. No! I have the freedom to create my life by my own ground rules. I like to think by myself based on my experiences so far and who I am as a person.
Growing up in a small town where everyone knows everyone, I always had to be careful what I say or do because “people are talking”. As a shy kid and with well impregnated good behavior, I didn’t understand why I have to be so careful, considering I would never misbehave or treat people with the wrong intentions. So why did I have to be even more careful? Well, as I found out later, I didn’t! Because people will talk, no matter how good your intentions are. I discovered that these events have to be treated with some sort of ignorance. If deep down in my heart, I know my thoughts and actions are in sync with my inner self, I will be happy with whom I am becoming. Some people like to talk about others and criticize because they are missing something in their lives and by doing so, they feel better about themselves, not to mention it is a really damn hard thing to be honest with yourself and accept you for who you are, goods and bads. It is a lot easier to look at others than yourself, isn’t it?
The switch for me happened later on, when I was in the university. Very far away from the people I knew I ended up in a place where no one knew me and the first thing that struck my mind was “I can do whatever I want here! No one will know!” Guess what? Nothing changed. I was still the person who liked to study and play tennis. I graduated with
honors and left the university with the best feeling ever. So, what did change? My way of thinking! By accepting me for who I am, I managed to leave all the bad influences outside of myself.
Accepting my good parts was the easiest thing I ever did. The struggle came when I had to manage my downfalls. But, as Daiana mentioned in her article Everyone shines, given the right lighting , perfection does not exist and it is stupid to believe so. We strike for it, but let’s face, as human beings, will never get there, because we are not built that way. It is that easy and hard at the same time. So, I eliminated the word “normal” from my language. That gave me immense power and confidence.
We are built to grow and develop. And that is the greatest success I can strive for – The achievement of being happy with me.

Everyone shines, given the right lighting

It is very interesting to me how 95% of our decisions are made by how we feel in that moment, where we are, and who we are with.

As a tennis player, world traveler and  overall highly sensitive and emotional person, this seems to be the single most important factor in setting my mood for that particular day or moment. It is our choice to decide how we feel, even though “things” happen to us all the time…it is in our own power and judgement how we decide to deal with them…choice is less about what happens than it is how we deal with it! So if we hold the key to our happiness, why can’t we find THE emotional attitude to just be happy all the time?

All life forms strive to reach their maximum potential except human beings…how tall does a tree grow? As much as it possibly can!
However, things are not that simple. It is in our own power to decide our happiness… but life IS chaos! Everything moves towards entropy…it takes an incredible amount of effort and energy to bring order to that!
Back in my university days, when I was taking a History of Art class, we talked about this concept of Entropy, which is associated with the idea that the Universe tends towards disorder. As Murphy’s law states, “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong!”
As I said before, reversing this constantly increasing tendency toward disorder takes a hell lot of energy! We all know that energy flows where attention goes… However, as we talked in The Art of Simplicity  ,the energy put into preventing disorder in one place simultaneously increases it somewhere else, creating a force which will measure how close a system is to equilibrium, as well as a measure of a disorder in the system.
Since I am a tennis player, everyday I experience highs and lows, uncertainty, frustration, disappointment, excitement, hope, all of them almost at the same time! 🙂 During the period of a match, which can last from 1 hour up to 4 hours, the emotions are almost immediate…we miss and we win the point in a matter of few seconds! On a funnier note, as GSA’s founder Javier Captaine says, “in strict controlled conditions of arterial pressure, cardiac frequency, blood lactate, chatelaines, respiratory dynamics and rigorous planning, taking in consideration even the most minimal detail, the organism of a tennis player reacts exactly he way it pleases!” Funny… but so true!
We all say we want equilibrium, constancy, perfect balance, we say we are perfectionists, but how can that be possible if, as the Universe is constantly expanding, we are ever changing beings, open to be designed and in a permanent fluctuation?
We are stuck on experiencing bliss, extreme happiness and perfection, but oh how much energy we are wasting! We might achieve a temporary ecstasy, but then on Monday we are back to where we were…I believe it is easier than it has ever been to achieve bliss, but it is as hard as it has ever been to stay that way!

This takes me to my final thought: there is no such thing as perfect transfer of energy…no such thing as perfect state! We cannot control our emotions, as frightening as it sounds… We strive for perfection and to me, perfection is not only about control, but more about letting go! Finding that particular “light to shine”, where you can expand, grow and evolve on the edge of chaos!